I wonder what it feels like to be living in a body that is dying?
To be 26- my same age- and sit and be told by a nurse that she thinks your body is done.
I cannot tell you what it feels like, but I can tell you what it looks like.
Everything looks like it takes so much effort.
Eyes are held open by willpower more than physical strength.
The glassy look they carry.
Breathing- something that usually happens without thought- has turned into such effort. Every muscle in the neck, shoulders, & chest being used to support this now difficult task.
The highest reading we could get on the pulse ox was 82. On my finger, it reads 98.
Hands that cannot hold a piece of paper. Feet that can bear no weight.
Extremities that are ice cold, no sign of life.
To know a Mom who sits with her son wants to do something, but she too knows. She asks that we not give him any shots because it will only add to the pain.
A blood pressure so low that it is unheard of in an adult.
Pain. Dehydration. Exhaustion.
Pulling in air, hoping that the oxygen will bring some relief.
We send him to go get blood work done. We lay hands on him & pray for him. But in his current status, my mind tells me that he's got a few days, maybe less.
So the very next morning we wait for our very sick friend to show up at clinic. 8 o'clock passes, the time he was supposed to come. Okay, this is Haiti. 9 o'clock comes & goes. Something is wrong. He only lives 2 streets over. Off go two co-workers & friends to his address. No more than 5 minutes later, they return. "Your suspicion was right."
Man, sometimes I hate being right.
"So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
Cause oh it gave me such a fright
But I will hold on with all of my might
Just promise me that we'll be alright."
-Ghosts That We Knew-
Mumford & Sons